One of the trickiest things for leaders – especially new leaders – can be navigating workplace relationships.
It’s especially tough for people who are promoted into leadership roles within the same team.
A question I’m so often asked around this is: “Can I be friends with the people I lead?”
The tough love response to this is “pretty much nah”. But … there is a “but”.
As a leader, you will be called upon to make judgement calls that could be unpopular or unfavourable amongst your team. You may even have to reprimand or performance manage people you once shared a cocktail with.
A friendship can even lead to a conflict of interest or a perception of favouritism.
All of that said, I’ve also read a stack of research that suggests employees are more motivated, they’re happier and tend to be more loyal when they are working with friends. I particularly resonated with a study that concluded that managers who created a culture of “affectionate and compassionate care” for their employees were able to create more cohesive, high performing teams.
But here’s the but… a healthy friendship with team mates requires that you find a good balance and that all parties are grown up about things. Here’s how to do just that.
- Talk about it upfront
If you have been or already are friends, my strong advice is to sit down with your friend/team mate and talk it through. How do you each see the relationship playing out in the context of this new power imbalance (because of course that’s exactly what it is)?
How will you ‘be’ together at work?
- Set clear boundaries
Everyone loves to chat about what they did at the weekend, but if you are finding the friendship is blurring the lines a little, consider setting boundaries around when and where you talk about work and personal things. For example, you could set a rule that you don’t discuss work when you are together socially.
- Be fair
It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. If you have friends on the team, you’ll need to work extra hard to be seen to be treating everyone equally and fairly. Prioritise transparency, communicate consistently with everyone and always avoid giving your friends any special treatment or favours. Avoid private jokes or sharing inside information.
- Keep it professional
If the worst thing happens and your friendship sours, keep things on a strictly professional level at work. Strive to ensure you don’t allow your emotions to cloud your judgement and continue to treat your (now possibly ex) friend as you would treat any member of the team.
Maybe you’re thinking the term ‘friendship’ is a little too much? What if you are a manager who just wants to get on with your team in a positive and friendly way?
It’s absolutely within your control to create a culture in which people feel respected, engaged and connected with their colleagues.
- Be compassionate. We are all just human beings having an intensely human experience. It’s important to remember that we are not always aware of what is happening at home. Be compassionate and cut a little slack when it’s needed.
- Keep confidences. Nothing worse than a boss who gossips! That’s all I’ll say on that one.
- Help your team members see their strengths. Point to the things they’re great at and help them to ‘lean in’ to their strengths in more meaningful ways.
- Enable productive relationships. Just because you don’t want to be besties with everyone, you can certainly encourage others to form genuine friendships. Your team members will much happier for it.
- Be a master communicator. It’s a foundational leadership skill that we can all foster. Communicate twice as often as you think you need to. And do that consistently with ALL team members.
- Single out achievements, celebrate as a team. Everyone enjoys being acknowledged for a job well done. Even better when you get to celebrate that with your workmates and everyone gets to share in the success of the team.
- Be kind. It’s about being a decent human being.
